who are your real friends?

I was chatting with an online friend from NYC tonight, which i have not chatted with him for over a month.  As we were talking, I found out that he just moved back to Taipei! How EXCITING!!! I bet after living in NYC for the past two years, he has had enough!  I don't blame him for it, i visited NYC for July 4th weekend this year, and frankly, i didn't enjoy the city as much as i thought. We went on and on to chat about Taipei, and why i should moved there and so on. 

I been contemplating of moving to Asia, getting a fresh start in my career and my personal life after i revisited Vietnam back in Oct. of 2007.  When i was in Vietnam, i also visited Taipei for the 1st time at the end of January of this year, a good friend persuaded me to give Taipei a try, and I instantly felt in love with Taipei.  Something about being in Asia, I don't know if it was the people, the food, the night life in Asia, or I just got sick of being in the cold, windy winter of Chicago's for almost 20 years.  I JUST WANT TO BE IN ASIA. anywhere but here during the long bitterly winter. 

My NYC's friend has offered to help me out if I'm planning on moving to Taipei, he even ENCOURAGED me to move there! which i thought it was like WOW!  After all, I'm a complete stranger to him, we have never met in person. That was the nicest gesture, which was kind of unexpected.  I THANKS him, saying that he doesn't have to do that, but he replied "I AM YOUR FRIEND".  YET I HAVE NEVER MET HIM IN PERSON.  While chatting with him, i was having another online conversation with my other friend from Hong Kong, which i had been friend with since Dec. 2007, and we also met up in Vietnam for a whole week when i was there.  I got a bit carried away with the thought of living in Asia, and i was trying to keep my options open for the possible cities i want to live in beside Taipei and Ho Chi Minh city. So i casually asked him if he can host me and help me out with housing if i decided to come to Hong Kong instead.  He said NO. This is the guy who supposedly LOVE me, wanted to marry me, he even proposed! BUT I NEVER ACCEPTED his proposal, cause i think it was kinda bogus!  

I'm slowly realizing that behind someone good deeds, are there an attachment to it? When i did a good deeds for someone like a friend, the only thing i expected out of that is a better bonding, a better relationship with the person i considered as a friend. I guess i do not want to be OLD and LONELY by myself. I'm human, and that's my insecurity.  SO I NEVER considered my self as an exception. But to other people, like that guy from Hong Kong, which i no longer considered as a friend, because he always looked down on me, the only time he look up to me if when i FUCKED him, which WILL NEVER EVER HAPPENED again. Whenever he did a good deed for me, I'm expected to return a a favor for him, like having sex with him, what am i? a whore??? the last time we chat, he was going to fly me to Hong Kong, but with a condition, i have to sleep with him, which i said NO!  it's so disappointing for me to realized that when i considered someone as a friend, or closed friend, all they want to from me, or think of me are just SEX SEX SEX. Or when i open my door to host a complete stranger from 1/2 way around the world like Taipei, all he think of me is that i wanted SEX from him. What the F*CK??? 

I'm not saying i'm above those guys, but there are places and times, if things are fall into place, and if the moment is right, it will HAPPEN! but if it's not, that's OK too! why does guys have to use sex as a leverage for everything? and scarified a good friendship? 

conveniently enough, my friend from Philly asked me if i'm feeling like hosting another guy named Rob, who just moved here from oversea, and need someone to show him around Chicago. So i told him flatly: i need a break from being too friendly to people, otherwise they think i wanted sex from them! hahaha