Of course she knew all of my friends are gay, but the way she carried on the conversation with me, it seem nothing out of the ordinary. This is coming from a traditional Vietnamese woman, yet her mind is not as traditional as one might think. For me, it's amazing to see my mom openly talked about my gay friends and I, sometime i really do forget that I'm opened up about my "other" side of life to her. Not a lot gaysians i know talked or shared about their life's with their parents.
In a traditional asian family, if you're a boy, and for me i was the 1st born son, so I'm expected to have a good job, become a doctor, engineer or something like that, get marry to a nice girl, and produce them 2 grand children, 1 boy and 1 girl. That was what my parents are expecting from me. However, i failed to meet the typical Asian's society standard. I'm GAY and I'm OUT, not sure about the "proud" part yet though...
i been "out" to the gay scene 10 years ago, but as far as "out" and admitted to my family that I'm gay, it was about 5 years ago. Although my mom, dad and my sister already knew it since i was in my teen. They just preferred the "Don't asked, don't tell" policy. When i was hanging out in my group of friends, they were very "out" and yet, all of them were closeted to their families. I was the 1st in my group of supposedly "out and proud" friends to tell my family that i'm gay, and surprisingly, my family were very acceptance of me. My mom was like... i don't care what you're as long as you still give me a couple of grand children, i'll be "OK". So i bribed them with 2 chihuahuas for now, black one is Lucky, white one is Coco. So now you know! hahaha
My mom can be very involves into my personal life as much as any other moms involved in their children's life. She make sure i take good care of myself, make sure i eat right, make sure i exercised plenty because she know how cruel gay boys can be! "Kevin, don't eat too much, you're getting fat! that's not gonna look good, and no boys like a FAT gay boy!!!!" Can you believe that coming out of my mother mouth?!? I'm still very shocked and still find it funny to this day that she know how shallow gay's life can be.
As much as she very willingly to accept me, there will still be part of her that a little "ashamed" of me. When we were vacationing in Vietnam back in October together, before we landed in Vietnam, she asked me not to be so "obvious" because she doesn't want to "lose face" with her families and friends.
Living in Boystown area of Chicago (Lake View), I'm right in the smacking middle of all the gayness, you can be as gay and flamboyant as one can get. Trannies, cross dressers, men in leather gears, boys in daisy duke short, you named it, they're all here. Guys walking down the street holding hand kissing, and lesbians with their babies in stroller, walked down street just like any other conventional proud parent's showing off their kids. At the supermarket, it's OK to check out the guys and say "Hi" and get his numbers, or if ones desired some fun, there is the local STEAMWORK right on Halsted street with the giant rainbow column in front of the building.
The reason my mom asked me not to be too "obvious" because Ho Chi Minh city is NOT Boystown, and she was trying to protect me. There are a sizable gay populations in Vietnam, however, most clubs that they frequently visited are not gay! it's gay for pay! Gay is still considered taboo Vietnam, pretty much in sync with the rest of Asia. I finally understood what she meant by not too "obvious". I remembered one night i was going out with a group of friends to this really hip club, LUSH. A lot of gays, Europeans, Vietnamese American aka Viet Kieu and American Expat. go there. In my group we had 1 girl and 3 guys, so my female friend and her guy's friend went in first, while i was waiting outside for my other guy friend to finished buying cigarette. As we about to entered, the uniformed guard stopped us, saying "NO 2 guys can go in together," he even said out right that "gay can't come in tonight!" Apparently, tonight they had a pretty decent straight crowd turn out, so there's no need for the GAY to be here tonight.
I have never been so humiliated in public like that, but then again, i considered myself very lucky to have the support from my mom and my sister. I heard of stories where a lot of guys who were not only disowned by their families but also being discriminated by society as well. I don't know how "out" I am right now, but I think I'm very comfortable in my skin to say that I do prefer the company of men, for now.
So, how OUT are you?
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